Biblical Manhood and Womanhood
Excerpts from an Interview With Andy and Allison McGowan from a message on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.
“How did you guys meet?”
Allison:
Well, our eyes met across the crowded dining hall, I thought ”what if I married that guy?” which was a weird thought, and then I forgot about him for two years.
Andy:
Yeah our eyes met, and I remember thinking, “wow, you are stunning”. I was a seminarian, you were an undergrad, so there were a couple of years between us. You know, there was a joke at college that the guys in seminary would go to the dining hall to find a single girl who could play the piano, aka their future “pastor’s wife”, and I didnt want to contribute to that stereotype. But, yeah, I saw you, thought you were gorgeous, but then got distracted by a stack of cookies.
Allison:
Yeah that sounds about right…that’s not the end of the story though. A couple of years later he poked me on Facebook. Back then, Facebook was only for college students. Guys, please don't start dating random people you find on Facebook nowadays.
Andy:
I was so nervous doing that, But we ended up going back and forth in conversation, and later we went to Starbucks for our first date. I did a LOT of talking.
Allison:
Andy talked for about three hours, I talked for a total of five minutes. And it was perfect!
Andy:
It was a match made in heaven, honestly.
Allison:
I thought if I ended up marrying this man, I would never have to talk again. Little did I know that he would be pulling me on stage on Sunday mornings!
“How should a single person make the most of their season of singleness?
Allison:
I think there's gonna be some differences between individuals, but your habits as a single person actually shouldn't look too different from your habits as a married person. But during your single years, you have the opportunity to fully cement those habits of prioritizing your time with the Lord, serving in the church, building relationships with other believers, and sharing your faith. You shouldn’t be waiting until you're married to start doing those things. And in the same vein, married people should not be pawning those things off to single people under the assumption that they might have more time or energy.
Andy:
That's really good. Yeah, I was actually one of the last people in my friend group to get married. In my mid-twenties, I spent so much time with my friends and their spouses, all the while worrying about when I was going to get married. There were so many “what ifs”, and I remember not really liking that season. But looking back, I can see exactly what God was doing, and I am very grateful for that. I will say that I don't think the church does a very good job talking to singles, and I want you to know that God sees you, and He values you. The New Testament highly values singleness, we see this through the lives of Jesus, and Paul, among others. Paul specifically talks about the blessings that come from the life of singleness. He writes in 1 Corinthians, “I want you to be without concerns. The unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But the married man is concerned about the things of the world—how he may please his wife—and his interests are divided. The unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the things of the Lord, so that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But the married woman is concerned about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. I am saying this for your own benefit, not to put a restraint on you, but to promote what is proper and so that you may be devoted to the Lord without distraction.” So yeah, Paul deeply values singleness. It is not a curse, it is a blessing. But whenever we experience a disconnect between our desires and where we want to be, that can be a trial. But we can know that God is in control of whatever situation we find ourselves in. It’s not wrong to want to be in a different season, but don’t look so far ahead in life that you miss what God is doing in your life right now.
“How do you have a good marriage?”
Allison:
That is quite the question! To make it brief, Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord”. And verse 25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” So if you can do that, you’re good! But honestly, how do we put that into practice? For wives, culture is screaming at us to be dominant in every aspect of our lives, but God is calling us to be submissive. That doesn't at all mean that we’re doormats, it doesn't mean that we're silent, or in any way inferior to our husbands. We should be going to our husbands with our wants and our needs and our opinions in the same way that we would go to the Lord. But we should be communicating respectfully and when our husband doesn’t agree with us we should be okay with not only allowing him to take the lead, but expecting him to take the lead. Because even though he’s the leader, we still have a ton of influence over our husbands. And because of that, we need to make sure we stay grounded in the Word so that we can use that influence for good. And for husbands, the sacrificial love that you have for your wife sometimes means sacrificing sleep when the toddler has a bad dream. Sometimes that means sacrificing some financial security if your wife wants to stay at home and no longer work. Sometimes it means sacrificing peace at home with your wife when you have to make a decision that you know she may not agree with. Unhealthy marriages tend to have weak men who refuse to lead, or overbearing women who will not allow their husband to lead. But your role in your marriage should not change if your spouse isn't doing what they are supposed to be doing.
Andy:
I’ve said before that we need to love God more, so that we can love each other better. So each spouse should be actively pursuing their relationship with the Lord. I also think we should retain the mindset of continuing to “date” our spouse, and trying to honor our spouse in every way. I am thinking of applying Philippians 2:3 to our spouse, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.” I also think of Philippians 4:8, “...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” It's incredibly easy to focus on everything that's wrong, and when we do that we tend to lash out and tear each other down with our speech out of frustration. But this just digs us into a pit. Don't play the comparison game in your relationship. There is no winning there. We don’t live out our marriage for anyone else's approval except the Lord’s. We want to be obedient to the Lord, pleasing to Him, so that we can have a strong, healthy marriage.
“How do you incorporate Jesus into raising your kids?”
Allison:
We do this by modeling the Christian standard of living in front of them, and expecting them to as well. Kids do what they see you do. They are great copiers and we want to make sure that they are copying good behavior. They see us read our Bible, we read the Bible with them, and expect them to read their Bibles. They see us pray, we teach them to pray, and expect them to participate in prayer. They see us have disagreements that are still kind and loving, and we teach them how to deal with their sibling conflict in kind and loving ways. We make sure that we include Biblical principles in our speech and everyday life so they know that Sunday morning isn't any different than how we are living the rest of the week. Also, we choose to safeguard them from some of the worldly perspectives and influences that we know they might not be ready to process yet. But when we do think they're ready, we have those discussions and incorporate what the Bible says, so that they are ready and equipped to stand firm when they are on their own.
Andy:
Just some other notes, I just want to recommend the Bible App for Kids, it's an excellent, age appropriate way of understanding the Bible. We talk through life issues with our kids through a Biblical perspective. We heavily safeguard the media that they consume. Our culture is trying to treat 5 year-olds like they are 25 years old, and we forget that their brains aren't fully developed yet. In a world that is constantly redefining things, we need to be very black and white with our kids on what is right and true according to the Bible.
“How do you view your role as a pastor’s wife?”
Allison:
Well, I think it's an honor, it's a privilege, it's a really special role, but I am not special because I am in this role. I'm just doing what every Christian wife is called to. Just like every wife here, I am called to support my husband. I know I have a huge influence over him. I can either help his ministry or hinder his ministry and I don't take that lightly. And just like every person here who calls Kenosha City Church their church, I’m called to serve the church, to support it in every way I can. The church doesn't function to its fullest potential without everybody pitching in.
Andy:
Yeah I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for the support and love of my wife, Allison. You say you're not special, but you are a superhero to me. And I'm so thankful that I poked you on Facebook all those years ago, and we’ve been on this wild ride ever since. You are my partner in ministry and I’m so very thankful and indebted to you.
Listen to the full interview on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood HERE.
“How did you guys meet?”
Allison:
Well, our eyes met across the crowded dining hall, I thought ”what if I married that guy?” which was a weird thought, and then I forgot about him for two years.
Andy:
Yeah our eyes met, and I remember thinking, “wow, you are stunning”. I was a seminarian, you were an undergrad, so there were a couple of years between us. You know, there was a joke at college that the guys in seminary would go to the dining hall to find a single girl who could play the piano, aka their future “pastor’s wife”, and I didnt want to contribute to that stereotype. But, yeah, I saw you, thought you were gorgeous, but then got distracted by a stack of cookies.
Allison:
Yeah that sounds about right…that’s not the end of the story though. A couple of years later he poked me on Facebook. Back then, Facebook was only for college students. Guys, please don't start dating random people you find on Facebook nowadays.
Andy:
I was so nervous doing that, But we ended up going back and forth in conversation, and later we went to Starbucks for our first date. I did a LOT of talking.
Allison:
Andy talked for about three hours, I talked for a total of five minutes. And it was perfect!
Andy:
It was a match made in heaven, honestly.
Allison:
I thought if I ended up marrying this man, I would never have to talk again. Little did I know that he would be pulling me on stage on Sunday mornings!
“How should a single person make the most of their season of singleness?
Allison:
I think there's gonna be some differences between individuals, but your habits as a single person actually shouldn't look too different from your habits as a married person. But during your single years, you have the opportunity to fully cement those habits of prioritizing your time with the Lord, serving in the church, building relationships with other believers, and sharing your faith. You shouldn’t be waiting until you're married to start doing those things. And in the same vein, married people should not be pawning those things off to single people under the assumption that they might have more time or energy.
Andy:
That's really good. Yeah, I was actually one of the last people in my friend group to get married. In my mid-twenties, I spent so much time with my friends and their spouses, all the while worrying about when I was going to get married. There were so many “what ifs”, and I remember not really liking that season. But looking back, I can see exactly what God was doing, and I am very grateful for that. I will say that I don't think the church does a very good job talking to singles, and I want you to know that God sees you, and He values you. The New Testament highly values singleness, we see this through the lives of Jesus, and Paul, among others. Paul specifically talks about the blessings that come from the life of singleness. He writes in 1 Corinthians, “I want you to be without concerns. The unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But the married man is concerned about the things of the world—how he may please his wife—and his interests are divided. The unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the things of the Lord, so that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But the married woman is concerned about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. I am saying this for your own benefit, not to put a restraint on you, but to promote what is proper and so that you may be devoted to the Lord without distraction.” So yeah, Paul deeply values singleness. It is not a curse, it is a blessing. But whenever we experience a disconnect between our desires and where we want to be, that can be a trial. But we can know that God is in control of whatever situation we find ourselves in. It’s not wrong to want to be in a different season, but don’t look so far ahead in life that you miss what God is doing in your life right now.
“How do you have a good marriage?”
Allison:
That is quite the question! To make it brief, Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord”. And verse 25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” So if you can do that, you’re good! But honestly, how do we put that into practice? For wives, culture is screaming at us to be dominant in every aspect of our lives, but God is calling us to be submissive. That doesn't at all mean that we’re doormats, it doesn't mean that we're silent, or in any way inferior to our husbands. We should be going to our husbands with our wants and our needs and our opinions in the same way that we would go to the Lord. But we should be communicating respectfully and when our husband doesn’t agree with us we should be okay with not only allowing him to take the lead, but expecting him to take the lead. Because even though he’s the leader, we still have a ton of influence over our husbands. And because of that, we need to make sure we stay grounded in the Word so that we can use that influence for good. And for husbands, the sacrificial love that you have for your wife sometimes means sacrificing sleep when the toddler has a bad dream. Sometimes that means sacrificing some financial security if your wife wants to stay at home and no longer work. Sometimes it means sacrificing peace at home with your wife when you have to make a decision that you know she may not agree with. Unhealthy marriages tend to have weak men who refuse to lead, or overbearing women who will not allow their husband to lead. But your role in your marriage should not change if your spouse isn't doing what they are supposed to be doing.
Andy:
I’ve said before that we need to love God more, so that we can love each other better. So each spouse should be actively pursuing their relationship with the Lord. I also think we should retain the mindset of continuing to “date” our spouse, and trying to honor our spouse in every way. I am thinking of applying Philippians 2:3 to our spouse, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.” I also think of Philippians 4:8, “...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” It's incredibly easy to focus on everything that's wrong, and when we do that we tend to lash out and tear each other down with our speech out of frustration. But this just digs us into a pit. Don't play the comparison game in your relationship. There is no winning there. We don’t live out our marriage for anyone else's approval except the Lord’s. We want to be obedient to the Lord, pleasing to Him, so that we can have a strong, healthy marriage.
“How do you incorporate Jesus into raising your kids?”
Allison:
We do this by modeling the Christian standard of living in front of them, and expecting them to as well. Kids do what they see you do. They are great copiers and we want to make sure that they are copying good behavior. They see us read our Bible, we read the Bible with them, and expect them to read their Bibles. They see us pray, we teach them to pray, and expect them to participate in prayer. They see us have disagreements that are still kind and loving, and we teach them how to deal with their sibling conflict in kind and loving ways. We make sure that we include Biblical principles in our speech and everyday life so they know that Sunday morning isn't any different than how we are living the rest of the week. Also, we choose to safeguard them from some of the worldly perspectives and influences that we know they might not be ready to process yet. But when we do think they're ready, we have those discussions and incorporate what the Bible says, so that they are ready and equipped to stand firm when they are on their own.
Andy:
Just some other notes, I just want to recommend the Bible App for Kids, it's an excellent, age appropriate way of understanding the Bible. We talk through life issues with our kids through a Biblical perspective. We heavily safeguard the media that they consume. Our culture is trying to treat 5 year-olds like they are 25 years old, and we forget that their brains aren't fully developed yet. In a world that is constantly redefining things, we need to be very black and white with our kids on what is right and true according to the Bible.
“How do you view your role as a pastor’s wife?”
Allison:
Well, I think it's an honor, it's a privilege, it's a really special role, but I am not special because I am in this role. I'm just doing what every Christian wife is called to. Just like every wife here, I am called to support my husband. I know I have a huge influence over him. I can either help his ministry or hinder his ministry and I don't take that lightly. And just like every person here who calls Kenosha City Church their church, I’m called to serve the church, to support it in every way I can. The church doesn't function to its fullest potential without everybody pitching in.
Andy:
Yeah I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for the support and love of my wife, Allison. You say you're not special, but you are a superhero to me. And I'm so thankful that I poked you on Facebook all those years ago, and we’ve been on this wild ride ever since. You are my partner in ministry and I’m so very thankful and indebted to you.
Listen to the full interview on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood HERE.